50 Most Offensive Jokes That Will Blacken Your Soul

Get ready for A series of humorous offensive jokes Warning: don’t read if highly sensitive, this is only for humorous purposes.

Y’all better ask for Jesus’ forgiveness after laughing at these.

Offensive jokes

1. What’s red and has seven dents in it?
Snow White’s cherry

2. How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

3. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.

4. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
If your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

5. Why can’t women ski?
There’s no snow in the kitchen.

6. What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.

7. When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.

8. Also, how do you pick up hot chicks at Auschwitz?
With a dustpan.

9. What is a nickname for a chinese person?

10. How can you get a nice jewish girl’s number?
Roll up her sleeve

11. What did the black guy get on his SAT?
Barbeque sauce.

12. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File.

13. What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?
Michael Phelps can finish a race.

14. Say what you want about pedophiles
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.

15. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
none they just beat the room for being black.

16. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

17. What’s better than winning a silver medal at the paralympics?
Being able to walk.

18. What’s worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma’s vagina?
Realizing you only put in 11

19. What would Martin Luther King be if he wasn’t black?

20. What’s the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry came out of the chamber.

21. What do you give a black woman who got an abortion?
$500 check from crime stoppers

22. Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.

23. How does every Mexican recipe start?
Steal a chicken.

24. How is eating pussy and being in the mafia the same?
one slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

25. What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?

26. The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated and offensive.
The rest of the house needs cleaned too

27. Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

28. What is the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father’s Day.

29. What do you call a pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.

30. What’s black and dangerous to cut through?
The line at KFC.

31. What’s the difference between Jews and Santa Clause?
Santa Clause goes down chimney’s.

32. What do you call Jewish Pokemon trainer?

34. What’s the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I’m cutting up an onion.

35. What’s black and found at the top of stairs?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

36. What’s better than being in the special olympics?
Not being retarded.

37. My girlfriend called me a pedophile the other day.
Pretty big word for a 10 year old.

38. What’s the difference between an ISIS training camp and n Afghan wedding?
I don’t know man, I just fly the drones.

39. How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

40. What did the one year old Ethiopian get for his birthday?
Flowers on his grave.

41. Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday.

42. What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?
He breaks his nose.

43. What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

44. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.

45. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.

46. What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.

47. What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common?
They both smell it but they can’t eat it.

Laughitloud Team

We are a squad of professional joke testers, caffeine enthusiasts, and naptime champions. Armed with puns and a questionable sense of humor, we're on a mission to make the world laugh one snort at a time. Warning: May cause uncontrollable laughter and occasional bouts of smiling in public spaces."

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