Are you ready to engulf yourself in some racing jokes that will make you smile? Do you want to read some off the racing jokes that are just adult enough that you may come just shy of sharing them at the water cooler at the office on Monday morning? Well you have come to the right place.
This collection of racing jokes will give you a chuckle or two with how strange they are, and their funny and entertaining tones. However, they are adult enough that you do not have to share your guilty pleasure with children, giving you something all to yourself.
Now, get ready to be ammused by our collection of 55 Racing jokes which will have you rolling over on the floor.
List Of Best Racing Jokes
1. A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: “Man, you’re a cheetah” and the cheetah says: “Naw man you’re a lion”.
2. What’s the hardest part about drag racing?
Running in heels.
3. I tried horse racing once, but I fell at the first fence.
I might have done better if I had a horse
4. Q: What don’t drivers eat before a big race?
A: In case they get indy-gestion.
5. Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing
6. Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs
7. A Racer went to the doctor and asked how to have a better sex life. The doctor said: “Run five miles a day.” A week later the doctor called and said: “How is your sex life?” The Racer said: “I don’t know, I’m 35 miles from home.”
8. Did you hear about the Racer who went to a mind reader? There was no charge.
9. Why is the internet like a motor racing crash?
There are spoilers everywhere.
10. I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make it go any faster
It just made it more sluggish.
11. There was a Racer who was late for work during the power failure because he got stuck on the escalator.
12. Did you hear about the Buddhist Racer who refused Novocaine during a root canal? The goal: transcend dental medication.
13. What do you call a Racer on a Harley wearing a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue.
14. Did you hear about the Racer who wore a glove on one hand? The forecaster said: “Tomorrow may be hot, but on the other hand, it could be cold.”
15. What’s does a Racer make for dinner? Reservations.
16. Three Racers driving from Boston to Disneyland. After three days they arrived at their destination and turned around and went home after they saw the sign saying: “Disneyland left.”
17. Why did the Racer cut off all his fingers? So he could write shorthand.
18. How can you be sure that Santa is a Racer? Every house has at least one door and window and Santa still chooses to come in through the chimney.
19. Did you hear about the Racer who wore two jackets when he painted his house? The instructions on the can said: “Put on two coats.”
20. How did the Racer die ice fishing? She was run over by the Zamboni machine. •
21. Hear about the Racer who broke both legs ironing the curtains? She fell out the window.
22. A Racer from Montreal sent his photo to a lonely hearts club. They wrote back saying they weren’t that lonely.
23. Did you hear about the man who wanted to be buried at sea? His Racer died trying to dig the grave •
24. Why did the Racer write TGIF on his shoes? To remind him that Toes Go In First. •
25. If you see a Racer on a bicycle, why shouldn’t you hit him? He might be riding your bicycle.
26. There was a Racer who sent 10 puns to friends, hoping that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
27. A Racer was on vacation and was told about a great restaurant in town, but thought it was closed because the sign in the window said: “Home Cooking.”
28. Did you hear about the Racer who lost $50 on a baseball game? He lost another $50 on the replay.
29. How do you make a million dollars dirt racing?
Start with 2 million!
30. How can you tell if a Racer has been using the computer? There’s Wite-out on the screen.
31. What do you call 16 Racers standing in a room around a beer keg? A dope ring.
32. Did you hear about the Racer who turned up at a friend’s house in a wet shirt? The label said wash and wear.
33. Why don’t Racers eat pickles? They can’t get their head in the jar.
34. A Racer ordered a pizza. “Do you want it cut into four or eight slices?,” asked the pizza maker.
The Racer replied: “Better make it four, I’m not very hungry.”
35. How can you confuse a Racer? You can’t. They’re born that way.
36. A Racer was asked to be the Groomsman at a friend’s wedding, but had to refuse because he didn’t know anything about horses.
37. Do you know how to save a drowning Racer? No?… Good!
38. Why did the Racer cut a hole in the carpet? To see a floor show.
39. Did you hear about the Racer who became a loan shark? Lent out all his money and skipped town.
40. How do you make a Racer’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
41. What do you call a Racer who practices birth control? A humanitarian.
42. How many Racer jokes are there? None, they’re all facts.
43. A Racer went to a baseball game with a friend, but got stuck in traffic and arrived after the fifth inning. When they arrived, the score was still zero-zero. “Oh good,” said the Racer, we haven’t missed anything.
44. Why won’t a shark attack a Racer swimming in the ocean? Professional courtesy.
45. Two Racers in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
46. Why do Racers laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it.
47. Did you hear about the Racer who broke an arm raking leaves? Fell out of the tree”
48. Why do Racers make great astronauts? They took up space in school.
49. Where can you find a good Racer? In the cemetery.
50. A Racer with one ear want into a bar. “Do you want a beer?,” asked the bar bartender. The Racer: “I’ve got one ear.”
51. How do you make a Racer laugh on Monday morning? Tell her a joke on Friday night.
52. Why did the Racer die while drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
53. A police officer pulled over a Racer and asked to see his license. The Racer said: “I wish you would make up your mind. Yesterday when you pulled me over you took away my license—now you want me to show it to you.”
Thank you for stopping by, i hope you’ve liked this collection of racing jokes as much as we did while creating it. It’s been fantastic!
Do you know any great racing jokes? Don’t be so shy – share it with us! If you can think of a better racing jokes, tell us in the comments section below…