1. Why did the elephant cross the road?
- To get to the other trunk.
2. How do you raise a baby elephant?
- With a forklift!
3. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
- An irrelephant.
4. How do you make an elephant float?
- Two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and an elephant.
5. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton!”
6. Why are elephants always so broke?
They work for peanuts.
7. What did the elephant want for his birthday?
A trunk full of presents.
8. What do you call an elephant that never showers?
A smellyphant.
9. How do elephants communicate over long distances?
On the ele-phone!
10. Why don’t elephants use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse!
11. What do you call an elephant that hates sharing?
Selfish-trunked!
12. Why did the elephant bring a ladder to the bar?
Because the peanuts were on the top shelf!
13. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elephino!
14. Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
To hide from the paparazzi!
15. What’s an elephant’s favorite fruit?
A trunk-nana!
16. How do you know if there’s an elephant in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter!
17. Why did the elephant sit on the clock?
To squash a little time!
18. What’s an elephant’s favorite type of music?
Heavy trunk!
19. Why did the baby elephants get kicked out of the pool?
Their trunks kept falling down.
20. What’s an elephant’s favorite TV show?
“Tusks and Recreation!”
21. Why don’t baby elephants ever play a game of cards with the other animals?
They don’t like cheetahs.
22. How do you get a baby elephant out of the lake?
Wet.
23. What did the elephant say to his son when he misbehaved?
“Tusk tusk!”
24. Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the barbecue?
Because it wanted to pack some trunks for the grill!
25. What’s blue and has big ears?
An elephant at the North Pole.
26. Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors?
So he could hide in the bag of M&Ms.
27. What do you call an elephant that’s gone bad?
A malfelephant.
28. How do you keep an elephant from charging too much?
Take away its credit cards.
29. What’s an elephant’s favorite kind of bread?
Pumper-trunk!
30. Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the baseball game?
Because he wanted to be prepared for a grand slam!
31. How do you make an elephant float?
You take 10 elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice cream, and 5 tons of bananas.
32. What’s an elephant’s favorite movie?
“The Trunk!”
33. Why do elephants wear pink tennis shoes?
Because the white ones get dirty too fast.
34. How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
He asks for your credit card.
35. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
Because they’d rather stick with peanuts.
36. What does an elephant use as a vibrator?
An epileptic antelope!
37. What do you call an elephant that never bathes?
A stink-a-phant.
38. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through that tiny thing?”
39. Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
So he wouldn’t fall into the hot chocolate!
40. Why do elephants drink so much?
To try to forget.
41. Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would look silly with handbags!
42. What do elephants and trees have in common?
They both have big trunks.
43. How does an elephant ask for more food?
“Eleph- I can have some more?”
44. What did the elephant say when he got caught in the revolving door?
“I’m going around in circles!”
45. Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the beach?
He wanted to look “trunk”y!
46. Why did the elephant go to outer space?
To find the elephant in the room!
47. Why was the elephant driver given a speeding ticket?
He raced past the stomp sign.
48. Why do elephants have big ears?
Because nodding would be too much effort.
49. What’s an elephant’s favorite game?
Squash!
50. Why don’t elephants like playing hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted.
51. What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
52. Why don’t elephants use suitcases?
They already have trunks!
53. Why was the elephant always on the phone?
Because he loved to talk on the ele-phone!
54. What do you call an elephant with a poor memory?
An elephant.
55. Why was the elephant scared of the computer?
It didn’t want to catch a virus.
56. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks!
57. Why don’t elephants ride bicycles?
They don’t have thumbs to ring the bell.
58. What’s an elephant’s favorite vegetable?
Squash.
59. What’s an elephant’s favorite Star Wars character?
TUSKan Raiders.
60. What’s an elephant’s favorite dance move?
The trunk spin.
61. How do elephants keep in touch?
They write trunk letters.
62. What’s an elephant’s favorite musical?
The Phantom of the Elephant.
63. Why did the elephant cross the road?
To go to a chicken rally.
64. What did the professor say when his student asked him what a group of elephants was called?
“Have you even herd of elephants?”
65. Why was the baby elephant such a bad dancer?
He had two left feet.
66. How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit card.
67. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Earthquakes
in Australia.
68. Why did the baby elephant ask to borrow a suitcase for his trip to the beach?
He didn’t want to forget his trunks.
69. How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the ‘S’ out of ‘Safe’ and the ‘F’ out of ‘way’!
70. What’s an elephant’s favorite type of plant?
A trunk-ated palm!
71. How do you trap an elephant?
You trick him when he’s calf asleep.
72. What’s an elephant’s favorite fruit?
A trunk-nana!
73. Why did the elephant get pulled over?
He sped through the stomp sign.
74. What’s an elephant’s favorite TV show?
“Tusks and Recreation.”
75. How do you make an elephant float?
With ice cream and soda.
76. Why did the elephant hide behind the strawberry bush?
Because he didn’t want to be seen.
77. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer?
It didn’t want to catch a virus.
78. What’s an elephant’s favorite book?
“Horton Hears a Who!”
79. Why did the elephant wear a tuxedo to the beach?
Because it wanted to look “trunk”y!
80. How do elephants communicate over long distances?
They use trunk calls.
81. Why don’t elephants use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse.
82. What do you call an elephant that’s always late?
A slow-pachyderm.
83. How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a lot of patience.
84. What did the elephant say to the giraffe?
“High five!”
85. Why don’t elephants play basketball?
They can’t keep their trunks off the court.
86. What’s an elephant’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Chunky Monkey.
87. Why do elephants never use public restrooms?
They prefer the jungle.
88. How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
You sit on a leaf and wait for autumn.
89. Why do elephants never lie?
They always have big trunks of truth.
90. What’s an elephant’s favorite drink?
Trunk juice.
91. Why do elephants hate computers?
They can’t handle the mouse.
92. What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Trunk wrestling.
93. How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit card.
94. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
Because they prefer peanuts.
95. What do you call an elephant with a bad temper?
An el-ephant-omaniac.
96. Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they’d look silly with suitcases.
97. How do elephants keep in touch?
They write trunk letters.
98. What’s an elephant’s favorite vegetable?
Squash.
99. What’s an elephant’s favorite Star Wars character?
TUSKan Raiders.
100. Why was the elephant sitting on the marshmallow?
He didn’t want to fall into the hot chocolate.
101. How do you get a baby elephant out of the theater?
You can’t, it’s in the elephant’s blood.
