You know what I’m talking about: it’s a lazy Sunday afternoon, you’re chilling
on the couch, looking at your pooch. And within 30 seconds he’s doing
something – or even just looking at you in that special way – and next thing you
know you’re rolling on the floor with laughter!
Did that ever happen to you?
Seriously, if you don’t own a dog: if you want cheap entertainment, get a dog!
It’ll be the best investment you’ll ever make.
But, who knows:
- maybe you feel bad about laughing at your dog all the time
- or perhaps you don’t own a dog yet and are in dire need of some woof-
tastic comedy - Or you are simply looking to share some laughs with your pooch.
Well, you have come to the right place!
This article is jam-packed with:
100+ hilarious dog puns, and
30+ funny dog jokes
that will have you grin, LOL, and roar with laughter.
So, I hope you are ready: let’s have a laugh about man’s best friend!
Funny Dog Puns
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?
A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
Q: What do you get if cross two puppies with a pair of earplugs?
A: Hush puppies!
Q: Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
A: Because the tomato was in a can!
Q: How did the dog’s owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?
A: He was foaming at the mouth!
Q: Why do dogs run in circles?
A: Because it’s not easy to run in squares!
Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog? A: A dusky husky!
Q: Which dog does not have a tail?
A: A hot dog!
Q: Which dog looks like a cat?
A: Police dog in disguise.
Q: What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner?
A: Get a shorter table!
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: Lassie who plays brassie!
Q: What kind of dog does not do well in hot weather?
A: Faint Bernard!
Q: What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?
A: Glowberman Pinscher!
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula like?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table?
A: He will get splinters in his mouth!
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?
A: A dog that barks up the wrong tree!
Q: When is a black dog not a black dog? A: When it’s a greyhound!
Q: Why did the lazy person buy a very tall dog?
A: So he would not have to bend down to pet it.
Q: Why did the dog run in circles?
A: He was just chasing after his tail.
Q: Why did the dog’s owner think his dog was a great mathematician?
A: He asked the dog what six minus six was and the dog said nothing.
Q: What do dogs have that no other animals have?
A: Puppy dogs!
Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats don’t know how to drive!
Q: What kind of dog chases anything wearing red?
A: A bull dog!
Q: Why did the injured dog say he was an actor?
A: His leg was in a cast.
Q: What has eighteen legs and chases after the ball?
A: The Philadelphia Beagles!
Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? A: From chasing too many cars.
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned Dalmatian!
Q: What is the best way to follow a lost dogs paw prints?
A: With a tracking device!
Q: Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua?
A: It always plays with the paws button on the DVD player.
Q: What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?
A: A short one!
Q: What is a Chihuahua’s favorite sport? A: Miniature golf!
Q: What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions?
A: Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!
Q: What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour?
A: A double crosser!
Q: Why does a dog wag his tail?
A: No one else will do it for him!
Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? A: The outside.
Q: What did the pup say when he sat on the sandpaper?
A: RUFF!
Q: Why is a dog scared of a fire?
A: Dogs do not want to become hot dogs!
Q: What did the dog say to the pig?
A: You are just a boar.
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: What do you get if you cross a computer with a Rottweiler?
A: A computer with a lot of bites!
Q: What’s a dog’s favorite hobby?
A: Collecting fleas!
Q: What is a dog’s favorite food?
A: Anything that is on your plate!
Q: What is worse than a dog howling at the moon?
A: Two dogs howling at the moon together.
Q: What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up?
A: A dog!
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A: A dog that catches all the cars it chases!
Q: When is a strange dog most likely to come into your house?
A: When the door is wide open!
Q: Why is a dog’s nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it is the scenter.
Q: What did the dog say when he chased his tail?
A: This is the end!
Q: How did the puppy feel when he lost his flashlight?
A: Delighted.
Q: What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?
A: Go to a restaurant!
Q: What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
A: A retail store!
Q: What was the dog doing on the turnpike?
A: About eight miles an hour!
Q: What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?
A: You should know more than the dog!
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats?
A: Bone appetite!
Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say after she ate a meal?
A: That hit the spots!
Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?
A: Sausage dog!
Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
A: Put him in the front seat!
Q: What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
A: Hope he cannot see you!
Q: What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet?
A: 1,000 dogs.
Q: What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? A: Look out for those mice!
Q: Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?
A: They have short tales!
Q: How do you make a dog float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, a little bit of soda, and a small dog.
Q: When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around?
A: They were helpful during the Roverlutionary War!
Q: What is a baseball dog?
A: One that chases fowls (fouls).
Q: What happened when the shaggy dog swallowed a teaspoon?
A: He was not able to stir.
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!
Q: What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?
A: Glowberman Pinscher!
Q: What kind of dog wears a white coat and does science experiments?
A: Labs!
Q: What kind of dog is the most colorful? A: Paint Bernard!
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula like?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: Why did the lazy person buy a very tall dog?
A: So he would not have to bend down to pet it.
Q: Why did the dog run in circles?
A: He was just chasing after his tail.
Q: What dog is always tired in London?
A: English sleep dog.
Q: What has eighteen legs and chases after the ball?
A: The Philadelphia Beagles!
Q: What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of?
A: Doberman puncher!
Q: What dog do other dogs tell their problems to?
A: Complaint Bernard!
Q: What dog would you want on your football team?
A: A golden receiver!
Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
A: Terrier-fied and scared!
Q: Which dog can tell time?
A: A watchdog.
Q: Why is a dog like a baseball player?
A: He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming!
Q: When does a dog go moo?
A: When it is learning a new languages!
Q: How do you stop a dog from smelling? A: Take away his nose!
Q: Why is it called a litter of puppies?
A: They mess up the whole house!
Q: Why does a dog scratch himself?
A: He is the only one that knows where it itches.
Q: Why was the mother flea so unhappy?
A: All her children have gone to the dogs.
Q: What do you call a Pizza Hutt delivery dog in the middle of a muddy road?
A: A mutt in a rut working for Pizza Hutt!
Q: How would feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?
A: Melon-collie!
Q: What do you call a litter of puppies in the snow?
A: Slush puppies!
Q: Where do you usually find lost dogs?
A: It all depends on where you lose them.
Q: If your dog eats a dictionary, what should you do?
A: Take the words right out of his mouth!
Q: When is a dog most impolite?
A: When he points.
